Pearls of an Oyster

No Music in the Mosque

Allahu Akbar...

I Raised My Head & Sat Up, Paused, Composed Myself, Then Stood Up Tall in a Single Movement Whilst Keeping My Hands Off the Ground. Unfortunately My Feet Had Other Ideas, & Like a Newborn Giraffe I Found Myself Stumbling in the Direction of the Bearded Man Beside Me! Luckily For Me I Was Able To Recover the Situation.

& Then it Began... (as) Regular as Clockwork

An 'Orchestra' of Sounds Bouncing of the Walls & Thundering Past My Ears. High Pitched Squeaks & Drawn Out Croaks... Synchronised Enough To Fashion a Melody (of Sorts)!

Regrettably, This Musical Will Be Playing for Thirty Nights at a Mosque Near You. The Show Kicks of After Completing the First Rakat of Tarawee Prayers. The Bending Over, Prostrating & Standing Movements Are Prime Time For Pockets of Air (Trapped in Overfilled Bellies) To Liberate Themselves From Concoctions of Pakoras, Chapattis & Coca Cola... To Burst Their Way To Freedom!

Judging By the Sound of Running Water Behind Me... This isn't the Only Musical in Town!

No Smells Allowed!

As a Proud Pakistani I Have Tried To Keep Quiet About an Embarassing Problem in Our Community. It Might Not Be Obvious Outdoors, Where the Fresh Breeze & (if You Are Lucky Enough) the Scent of Plant Life Provides a Welcome Shield... & it May Not Be Apparent Amongst the Bustling Crowds Where the Senses Are Otherwise Engaged... But in an Enclosed Space Like a Doctors Room... There is No Concealing the Problem...

I am Sick To Death of Being Attacked By the Stench of Another Auntie Jee's Kitchen! Why Can't They Leave Their Smells To Drift Within Their Own Homes? Why Must These Odours From Hells Kitchen Float in Behind Them as Soon as I Open My Welcoming Doors?! I Was Almost Suffocated By What I Can Only Guess Was The Stink of Burnt Daal. The Punishing Vapours Torturing Me Long After the Offender Had Left!

How Do I Solve This Problem?

Both Feet Over

Neck Breakers

''Common Things Are Common..."

"... & the Commonest Cause of Pain in the Neck in Someone Like You is Either Arthritis or an Aching Muscle..."

"... What Are You Thinking?..."

"Actually Doctor, The Commonest Cause of Pain in the Neck... a HUSBAND!"

-> "Yes I Suppose I Can Learn To Live With the Pain in My Foot. After all, I've Been Living with a Pain in the Neck for Years!"

It's Hard To Sing (Say) I'm Sorry

I'll Show 'House'... 70 Year Old Female... Hears Music Every Night From 1am To 7am... Let Me See... Her Daughter Can't Hear it... The Council Failed To Record it... Now She Wants Me To Visit at 2am To Confirm it!... Oh & She Expects Me To Apologise for Not Believing Her!

a) It Could Be an Ear Pr... NO! ENT Have Ruled That Out! b) It Could Be a Brain Tu... NO! There's No Focal Neurological Deficit! (But Go Request a Brain Scan To Satisfy Your Curiousity) c) She Could Be Telling the Tru... NO! People Lie! d) It Could Be a Psy.... YES! Finally... Where's My Vicodin?

No Apologies Then... Sing Hallelujah)!

Smokescreen

Having a Smoking Area in a Restaurant is Like Having a Peeing Area in a Swimming Pool!

It's Disgusting!

Oh & Why is it That Every Ex Smoker I Meet is Convinced Their Health has Deteriorated Since They Quit Smoking?!

Smoking is a Filthy Habit & as it Says on the Packaging 'it KILLS!'.

Now 'Do One' & Take That Awful Smell with You... I'm Trying To Eat!

Lost

Am I Losing Touch With the Common Man (& Woman)?

I'm Sat on a Train (For Only the Third Time in Five Years). I've Only Been Travelling for Fifteen Minutes & I Feel Like I'm Being Swallowed Alive.

There's Two Asian Girls To My Left. It's Not That I'm Eaves Dropping But They're Doing a Good Job Telling Everybody Their Business, & it's Boring. Shouldn't Their Daddies Be Picking Them Up Anyway?

There's a Dog on the Seat in Front of Me. I'm Trying To Stare it Out But I'm Half Expecting it To Pounce on Me & Use it's Wet Tongue. Why Do They Let Dogs on To Trains?

There's a Group of Guys Sat Behind Me Doing a Good Job of Shouting in My Ear. Goodness Knows What They're Saying But it's Foreign, & Before You Say it, No They're Not Speaking in English.

Please Spit Me Out! Now! I'll Walk.

T = X - 24 Hours

Guess You Didn't See Me in Those Low Dim Lights...

Will The Real Cheryl Cole Please Stand Up

Press 'N' for 'Next' & a Few Seconds Later an Eager Patient Should Barge Through My Door... Now That's How it's Supposed To Work... However... The System Was Down Today!

I Hate Making the 10 Yard Walk into the Waiting Room! Peering Around the Corner & Calling Out One Lucky Name From the Wishful Crowd; Their Hopeful Gazes Turning To Ice Cold Stares. Yet Today I Was Quite Excited! Not Because I Was Expecting the Real Cheryl Cole... But Because I Couldn't Wait To See Their Faces When I Called Out Her Name lol  

I Couldn't Help But Chuckle When My 67 Year Old Cheryl Cole Turned To Look at Them All & Said 'Well I Came First' lol.

Sky High

A Hijabi (Patient) on Concluding Our Consultation Nervously Told Me 'I Looked Religious'... or at Least Hoped as Much... 

She Went on To Ask Me If Smoking Cannabis Was Halal or Haram. Her Reasons for Smoking it... Pain? Depression? Apathy? Habitual? All of the Above?

After Stressing the Obvious 'Not To Judge a Book by its Cover' & Pointing Out That My Beard Did Not Make Me a Scholar... I Gave Her My Honest Opinion...

What Did I Tell Her I Hear You Asking... 

Irony

What a Day!

Look I Know it's Half Term... But Where Have All the Young People Gone? Surely There's 1 or 2 Who Need a Sick Note or Their Daily Dose of Antidepressants!

Listen I Love Helping the Elderly But Today I've Seen More Old Folk Than Get Together for a Game of Bingo, or for a Day Out To Watch the Bowls! I Mean I'm Trying My Best Here... Sorry I Can't Fix Your 'Problem' That You've Only Had for 20 Years!

Give Me a Break!
Be Realistic Now!
Just Get Out!

The Return

Back from Pakistan... no further diary updates due to lack of internet acess...

Back To Capitals :-)

Pakistan Floods 2010, Doctors Worldwide - Day 9, 16/10/10 - Winding Down

Today I worked at Pir Sabaq & Ripon at Gandheri. It was my last day at the clinic. On my way there I couldn't help but think how courageous the people are. They are working hard to rebuild their lives. Small children do the tough work of adults not because they are forced but because there is a genuine need. I couldn't last a day in their shoes. At the clinic Scabies is seen on a daily basis. It's usual treatment involves treating the entire family with an 'all body' lotion on two separate occasions. A fair guess at family sizes in Pir Sabaq would be between seven & thirteen. Need I say more? (we are out of Permethrin)!

Before leaving Pir Sabaq for the last time, I forced my two helpers to accept £20 each (a gift & not from the 'give to the needy' pot). I could see their intrigue as they examined 'English' money. Unfortunately that was not the last thing I did before leaving. That was to ensure that one of the self declared male volunteers (husband of an employee) does not enter the clinic again. Let's just say his behaviour toward female patients has been inappropriate!

After lunch which included a special treat - fried fish, we completed the medication stock check & provided instructions for maintaining standards & reordering medications. We packed (hastely) & bid farewell to our hosts, leaving them all with a £20 gift.

We had supper at Zeeshans house in Islamabad. It was delicious - no disrespect to 'chacha' (our cook in Mardan), but this food definately had a womans touch!

I am currently in a hotel in Islamabad (no it's not the Serena hotel lol). We are expecting Leah from the UK tommorrow. She's going to film a documentary for DWW & their donars.

We have given AW an amount of money to begin the 'sewing project' & to contribute towards a 'water project'. This includes money given by friends & family to give towards helping the poor.

Pakistan Floods 2010, Doctors Worldwide - Day 8, 15/10/10

This morning I travelled with Abdul Wahab (AW) to the village of Saees Mandi to help oversee the cement distribution programme (Build Nowshera). Those whose houses have been completely destroyed by the floods are eligible for free cement to help with the rebuilding process. DWW have set aside around £40000 pounds for the project. There were a few unsavoury moments when those ineligible for cement became angry & vocal towards us. I empathise with them but given our limitations there needs to be appropriate selection process. The morning also involved filming videos to help promote our work. A journalist/photographer is flying in from the uk on Sunday for this purpose but in the meantime we have made dozens of snippets.

We spent the afternoon writing reports. These included project updates, exit strategies, budgeting & total expected costs. This was painstaking work & really needs to be done by a dedicated project manager.

We delayed supper so that we could 'trek' through our store room & document our stock of medications. We need to put in place a simple process of stock keeping & reordering of medication that can be carried out by the local staff. It's a bit of a shambles at the moment. Hopefully we can avoid diverting funds in order to employ a pharmacist.

I looked into Ripons idea of helping a mother to pay for her daughters wedding. It turns out she has a job & the family have a car, computer & even a pet dog. We have decided against giving her any of the money earmarked for the needy.

Pakistan Floods 2010, Doctors Worldwide - Day 7, 14/10/10 - Pay Day

Today I spent most of the day at the basic health unit (clinic) in Pir Sabaq. I'm beginning to appreciate primary health care in a developing country such as Pakistan. I have no tests available to aid my diagnosis, there is no referral system for further assessment & their is a lack of medication (I'm talking about types not amounts - believe me they're 'downing it' like candy). 

For example I made a clinical diagnosis of malaria in a patient, however for a number of reasons including geographical, monetary & personal health beliefs, she (like almost all others) is unable to have a simple blood test for confirmation. Then there's the man who is having what sounds like epileptic seizures but is unable to afford to attend a hospital for further tests & possible treatments. This sort of management is so routine in the UK that we take it for granted.

During a much needed break I spoke with some of the locals (including staff members). After hearing the stories about of previous volunteers we are well aware that most of the people we have come into contact with will be hoping for some amount of financial help. I do have an 'amount' of money including that given by friends & family that I will give out over the next few days. Everybody seems so poor but I hope I can find some of the neediest people to help. As someone who is well known for his charity work in the surrounding villages, Abdul Wahab (AW) is often asked for financial assistance (for a number of reasons). Ripon has asked me to consider joining him in helping a widow in paying for her daughters wedding.

In the evening we visited the Bazaar in Nowshera. It was busy & I did well not to be run over by the dozens of motorbikes making their way through the crowded streets. AW brought along one of the women from the clinic who was able to ensure we only paid 3500 rupees for our purchases. The initial asking price was 6000 rupees.

I've spoken to a relative in the army. Hopefully we will meet up tomorrow.